November 30, 2003
Biohazard
I really love my nieces and nephews. But every time I spend any extended amount of time with them, they infect me with one of their sore throats and/or fevers.
I woke up in the middle of the night with a ferocious sore throat. The slightest swallowing feels like knives stabbing me in the tonsels.
Germy little creatures, but you gotta love 'em.
I wonder how Michael Jackson doesn't get sick all the time, consider how much "closer" he gets to the kids he hangs with.
And when is anyone going to ask that freak how come he never has any little girls in his entourage. "I love children" my ass.
Which reminds me of the old crunchbird joke.....
So this guy wants to get a present for his wife, and she's really demanding and to be honest, she was always mean and unappreciative of him. For instance he spent a lot of time making her a birthday breakfast and when he showed it to her and said "I hope you like your breakfast, honey" her only reply was "Breakfast, my ass!"
But still, after breakfast he went out and decided to get her a pet for her birthday present. He went to a pet store and told the owner he needed a "really, really special" present becuase his wife is so demanding. "I have just the thing for you," said the pet shop owner, "It's a Crunchbird!" "A Crunchbird? What's that?" asked the man. "Watch!" said the owner. He let the bird out of the cage, and announced "Crunchbird, the pencil!" and immediately the Crunchbird started ferociously eating the pencil until it was all crunched up. "Crunchbird the chair!" announced the owner, and immediately the Crunchbird started ferociously eating up the chair and in a few seconds, the chair was gone. "Why that is great!" announced the man. "My wife will love it!" and so he bought it and brought it home.
And his wife started hassling him as soon as he got home. "Where the hell have you been all day?" demanded the wife, and the man started to explain he had been buying her a birthday present and she yelled "Birthday present, my ass!" and the man said "No, no. You will love this," and he took the Crunchbird out of it's cage and he said "Here, darling. This is for you." "What the hell is this?" demanded the wife, and the man said "Why, darling -- it's a Crunchbird" and the woman yells back "Crunchbird, my ass!" and...........