Gone East

Oh my gosh! This is too funny! I love her!

Psst... Jack! Ya got her name wrong... you mean Kathy Griffin! (Not Griffith. Like Merv, but no relation.)

Anyway, I love her! She's very funny. I'm a huge stand-up comedy fan. I've loved her for years on the stand-up circuit and then all her guest appearances on shows such as Seinfeld. Then on "Suddenly Seeking Susan". Oh, wait. I got that wrong. "Suddenly Susan" was the sitcom she was on with Brooke Shields. "Desperately Seeking Susan" was the Madonna and Rosanna Arquette movie that she had nothing to do with. Right! I always mess that up! Why did they make the titles so similar?! And then they did this insider joke thing with Kathy Griffin's character's name "Vicki". Everyone always mixed Kathy Griffin and Vicki Lewis up--they are pretty similar looking and somewhat similar sense of humor. Vicki Lewis was on the hit show "News Radio" at the same time.

Aaron Spelling did the same thing on "Charlie's Angels". Actors Tom Bosley (from "Happy Days") and David Doyle looked and sounded a lot alike! So, when Aaron Spelling hired David Doyle for Charlie's Angels he named David's character "Tom Bosley" just to be mischevious and mess with the audience! Pretty funny, actually! But, I digress...

So, wait... I remind you of Kathy Griffin?!!! Really? Hmm... she just seems to have a very New York sense of humor (even though she is from Chicago). And, I am so, like totally, Southern Californian! :-) I mean, she can be so acerbic. You think I'm "bitchy in a good way"? Really? I might know what you mean, in my writing maybe... but not in person, right? I never thought of that as an adjective used to describe me! But, gee, thanks, I guess. :-)

Merv Griffin was a big homo, in case anyone wants to know.

Doesn't everyone know that about Merv? And Eva Gabor was his beard! And to link this all together, a lesser known Gabor sister was a lesbian. (That may just be a rumor, not sure.)

Another funny tidbit is that Paris & Nicki Hilton's grandfather was one of Zsa Zsa Gabor's husbands! I find this especially funny because the Hilton sisters are just like the Gabor sisters--famous for being famous!

Jack: Since you corrected the spelling of Kathy Griffin's name, you might want to correct Brooke Shields too! You left off the "e" in Brooke.

You're so strict.

Oh yeah. Strict.

I bet one of the more fun times Rick and Opera Lady have is when she plays the strict school marm and he plays the misbehaving student.

Sherm! You are sooooo bizarre!

Jacke: Strict?! Hey, you were the one talking about getting a copy editor!

Notice I was called bizarre.

Notice no denial was made.

Bizarre and correct -- I can deal with that.

Sherm, Sherm, Shermy... Never let the truth get in the way of a good needling. :-)

Okay, judge. Please look at your notes on the flow. While Opera Lady did make a response, you'll note that the response was merely talk. No denial or counterclaim has been made, and as you know -- new arguments are not allowed in rebuttals, so the issues flows to the Affirmative side and you must vote that Rick and Opera Lady indulge in School Marm/Disobedient Student routines.

Now lets turn to the issue of Opera Lady meeting her man at the front door dressed in nothing but Saran Wrap......

Sherm: I really don't even know what a "marm" is. I know the term, but not what the character really is all about...

Being trained in The Stanislavsky System of Method Acting, I would take this all very seriously. If I were to take on the role, I would need to do extensive research to develop a background and history of the character. I would need to log a journal in order to thoroughly develop the character and find the character's voice within me. I would need to prepare the role from my own emotional memory in order to achieve the character's believable truth. I must respect and honor the role of the School Marm! This isn't fun and games here, Sherm. This is ACTING!

Saran Wrap. Hmm... I can never pull that stuff out of the box without it all sticking together. I prefer old-fashioned wax paper.

"pull that stuff out of the box"

And you expect me not to make a sexual reference to that?

God, the restraint I have to show sometimes.....

There's actually a play about a school marm: Into the small western town of Frittergulch comes gentle young schoolmarm Molly Dewdrop. She finds herself at the Frittergulch Inn, owned and operated by lovable Betty Baxter and Betty's brother, handsome hero Biff. All is idyllic until Molly wins the British Isles Sweepstakes. With the money, she intends to build the finest school the prairie has ever seen. She fears the sudden fortune will force her dark secret into the light. Enter, from the darkest corner of Molly's past, the villainous Blacky LaRoach. Will Blacky ruin Molly's chance for happiness with Bill? Or will he destroy the dreams of the people of Frittergulch, who only desire to have the finest school in the territory? Or will Biff be able to stop him before it's too late? Because the "School Marm's Inn Trouble"!!! Now available from Scripts For Sale -- on the web.

But seriously, Opera Lady. You don't need much preperation. Just have the proper tools: A ruler , your husband's bare bottom, and maybe some lubricant just in case something gets stuck in the box and needs to be pulled out.

Oh, man.

There's an image that's gonna stick with you.

Oh great! Oversight on my part! I try so hard... no can't say that. I really try to word my sentences in a way that will not open up a Pandora's box... oh, he could run with that too. I constantly have to rewrite my sentences to avoid these kinds of situations. It's tough... oh, another one there. It's very difficult to word things in a way that Sherm will not find sexual references. It's damn near impossible.

Hey, what's going on in here!